Amelia is Growing

We had another doctor appointment today and Amelia is growing perfectly. I actually lost a pound, woohoo!, likely because in the last few weeks I have had a stomach bug twice (boo). I know you aren't supposed to lose weight while pregnant but for a chubby girl it's actually not a bad deal. As long as Amelia is growing my doctor said it's just fine :) Don't worry, I don't plan on dieting.

Today was a great day for another reason. Jonathan felt her move for the first time. It was amazing! She moves like crazy but is quite ornery and will stop when I call him over to feel her. We start our every 2 week appointments now and have another ultrasound next month. Yay for healthy baby and healthy mommy.

Busy Busy Busy

It seems like my to do list just keeps getting longer even though we have been really busy lately. Jonathan and my mom painted Amelia's room and our master bedroom a few weekends ago. I'll post pictures when things are complete. Our room still needs some artwork for the walls and we need to find curtains for the windows. I really like the new colors in there though. Amelia's room needs a touch up coat of paint and in a few weeks a woman is coming to paint a mural on one of her walls. I can't wait to see the finished product. This week I need to finish painting her dresser and start painting her bookshelf. When those are done I will be done painting (hopefully). We are also going to paint the guest room this week so we can trade beds with my mom this coming weekend. In a few weeks we will be getting new floors and I can't wait to start setting up Amelia's room. Things are really starting to come together. It seems like August 25th is still a really long time from now but it also seems like it is coming up incredibly fast. I can't wait to see this baby girl and hold her. We are also in the process of buying the house we currently live in. Hopefully we will close on it in the next couple of weeks so we can get started on the floors. Ahhh, so much to do!

Where I Am

Today I am 22 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my second baby, Amelia Kathryn. That is 9 days longer than I had with my firstborn, Grant Oliver. I am treasuring every single minute of this pregnancy because I know that it could be over in the blink of an eye. However, I am also proceeding with caution because of past events. I lay awake at night talking to God. Thanking Him for each day I have with her. Praising him for allowing me to be a mommy again. Praying to Him that he would please please protect this little one and allow us to see her grow up. Thanking Him for the time I had with Grant and the things that my little boy has taught me about life, such as treasuring every moment with his little sister. Some days it takes my breath away that I have passed the time that I had with him and that I now have had her longer. Some days I miss him so incredibly much. Like when I'm lying in bed talking to God and she is kicking away. I miss his little kicks, but love feeling hers at the same time. It's such a mixed bag of emotions, pregnancy after a loss. Most days are joyful with anticipation of meeting this little girl who I have a feeling will be long just like her brother. Some moments (not days) are sad when I think of what I missed with him or how I wish I could have experienced this milestone with him.

I'm now pregnant enough that people can definitely tell and are asking me when I am due and if this is my first baby. That question is always so hard for me. If they are a stranger passing me in Target then the answer is usually yes, that she is my first. If I say that she isn't my first then the questions follow as to how old my other children are and how am I supposed to explain that to perfect strangers. However, if I will have the chance of interacting with these people again, the answer is no and I tell them about Grant. Oftentimes this is followed by looks of pity as well as a look on their face of "I should have kept my mouth shut". Oh well, he's my son and I will tell you about him if we are going to be just acquaintances.

Here are some pictures from our recent vacation to Colorado. We went to Pikes Peak one day. Wow, it was cold and so beautiful!

Amelia Update

I had a standard OB appointment today and all went well! Amelia's heartbeat was in the 140s and sounded amazing as always. I've really felt her kicking quite a lot in the last couple of days and it is so amazing. She is measuring abou a week and a half to 2 weeks ahead which is consistent with our ultrasound a few weeks ago. Then her length is the only thing that was measuring ahead which is still likely the case. Grant was almost 2 inches longer than the average baby at his gestational age. We go back in about 3 weeks!

Fear

I'm going to be honest. A pregnancy after loss is filled with fear. I'm a pediatrician so I knew a great deal of things could go wrong before we lost Grant. However, I was still innocent in my own pregnancy brain. Now, I'm not! I'm scared. Not all the time but often. Amelia looked perfectly healthy on ultrasound so we know that she has two functioning kidneys, a nice sized bladder and plenty of amniotic fluid. She doesn't have what Grant did and for that we are thankful. However, that doesn't mean that I'm 100% guaranteed to bring home a healthy baby girl in August. Since we lost Grant last spring I have become friends with many women who have lost babies that were part of a seemingly perfectly healthy pregnancy. I know that there are no guarantees in this life and that I should trust God, and I do trust Him, but I am still scared for my baby. I am sometimes haunted by nightmares of losing her. They are all different so far, but all seem just as real and all cause me not to be able to go back to sleep because of the fear. I lay in bed reciting scripture which helps calm me down but doesn't bring sleep. I am so thankful for my friends who have experienced healthy pregnancy after loss and those that are walking the road with me right now. The prayers and support they offer is such a relief. They truly get it. We go back to the doctor tomorrow and I can't wait to hear the amazing sound of her heart beating loud and clear.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Grant Is A Big Brother!!!!

It's a GIRL!!!! Amelia Kathryn Bybee is set to arrive August 25, 2013. We are so very excited to welcome this new little one into our family!!! This pregnancy brings strong emotions of missing Grant and being incredibly happy to have a baby sister for him. Here are some pictures announcing the gender!!! She is perfect in every way according to the doctor. All we wanted was a healthy baby!

Happy 1st Birthday Grant

Today is Grant's first birthday. I can't believe it's been an entire year since I held him and kissed his sweet face. I still miss my boy tremendously but it doesn't hurt as much as those first few days, weeks and months. I know that his birthday party in Heaven today is much more than I could have ever given him here on this Earth.

Grant,
You made me a Mommy and have made me such a better person. You have touched so many lives and hearts. I prayed that your little life would never be forgotten and that you had a purpose and God answered my prayers. You have allowed us to help other hurting families. You have allowed others to do the same, all because you were here and so so special. I love you my little monkey. Always have and always will. Your Daddy and I know pain that is more than we ever imagined but we know joy that much more now too.

We have some wonderful friends and family. We have received a few gifts and a few pictures/videos of people honoring Grant's birthday. To those of you who have sent those, a huge thank you. It is such  a blessing to know that you are remembering him with us on his special day.

I am so very thankful for the promise of Heaven and spending eternity with my son. A day on this earth is so small in comparison to eternity in Heaven.

Happy Birthday Grant! We Love You!